i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
