Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
