You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
