DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
