Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
