Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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