Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
