why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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