you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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