When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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