I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
