I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
