dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
