I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
