I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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