I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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