Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
