Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
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