So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
