my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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