Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
