Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
