he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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