I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
