I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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