I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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