So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize