Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Houston, we have a blender
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
