Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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