I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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