don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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