Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
