Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Houston, we have a squirter
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
