But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
