Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
