this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
