Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's rum buckets o'clock
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
