some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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