Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
