I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
