When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
