I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
