And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
