i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
