So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
