I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We left the knife in your bed.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize