i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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