i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
