I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
