i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize