guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
