what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
