Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
