I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
