smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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