guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He passed out mid-signature
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
