actually, I'm a sock model
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
