It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
