I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
