Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
