he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I pour the whiskey from now on
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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