I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
