The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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