the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
