her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I need to sanitize my soul.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
