I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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