i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
