I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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