ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize