So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
