call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
