but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
