So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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