we have pet lesbian snakes
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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