I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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