At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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