If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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