in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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